Considering your predicament, I am the definitely what you need in the current situation. I am a tall, dark stranger (read foreigner, but with legal documents in order) from a non descript Eastern European country you have never heard off.
I have an amazing sense humour with which I will amuse you throughout the 3 course meal, as well as a sea of amusing anecdotes from the many adventures I have partaken in over the years.
My hobbies include visiting my friends that live in different countries and having before mentioned adventures, as well as adrenalin sports (read cycling and Queue jumping). I also have a body of a Greek god and an inherent inability to exaggerate.
Besides my good looks and my charming wit, as an added bonus, I also share a first name with a famous ex tennis player, popularly known for his serial adultery, and current Mayor of London, popularly known for his casual racist comments, which isn’t really important but always come in handy if things don’t work out and you need a quick and easy explanation why you never want to see me again.
And if all of this fails to convince you, I also posses a Bond villain accent that will scare and amuse you in equal measure, as well as (in conjunction with a turtle neck) get us a table in the fanciest of restaurants…
Will you be my Valentines (read alibi for the evening of the 8th February)?
Yours awkwardly dodgy or amusingly funny
B.
